coworker keeps snarking on the way I fold paper, “non-religious” holiday attire, and more — Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker keeps snarking on the way I fold paper

I work in a public library. One of my duties is to fold paper, such as brochures, newsletters, pamphlets, etc. My coworker whose responsibility it is to create, edit, and print those documents will hand me a large stack and then be overwhelmed by the urge to criticize my technique. I use a small plastic tool (shaped like the old tongue depressors, like a large popsicle stick) to smooth the edge of the paper to create a sharp fold. I have tried to explain to her multiple times that using my finger creates microabrasions, hurts my skin, and eventually leads to callouses.

But she will say, “You NEED that?” when I go get the tool and, “Well, I think using your finger is fine” and when I explain why it isn’t, she gives a big exaggerated head tilt, squint, and an incredulous “REALLY?” as if I’ve told her porcupine meat is delicious. She cannot fathom that I don’t want to use my finger, so she gives a soap opera level head shake of disbelief like you would to someone wearing a bikini in Walmart.

I’m baffled as to why she cares how I get the job done and I am tired of receiving the stink eye over something so inane. How do I shut down her sneered lip and snark? I just want to fold paper without bruising my fingertips!

You can try saying, “You know, I’ve explained why but you comment every time. Do you have a concern about this that you haven’t articulated? And if not, can we put the topic to rest?”

If that doesn’t work, then all you can really do is say in a pointedly exhausted and/or bored tone, “Yep, this is what I prefer to use.” Put that on repeat and she’ll hopefully give up in time. If not, feel free to say at some point, “Good lord, we’ve covered this over and over. It’s weird that you can’t let it go.”

No one would blame you if you sharpened that tool into a pointy weapon.

2. “Non-religious” holiday attire

I just got an invitation to an office holiday celebration that says, “There will also be prizes for those who wear holiday attire (nothing religious or offensive).” Am I right to feel that (1) winter holiday attire that isn’t religious is a borderline oxymoron, and (2) it’s hypocritical to say that on an invitation that includes a Christmas tree and talks about playing a gift-giving game?

Yes. It’s the old “as long as it’s not overt religious imagery like a nativity scene, it’s secular!” game that some people like to play.

The things they’re envisioning as “not religious” likely include Santa, Christmas trees, and other markers of Christmas — which, as elements of a Christian holiday, don’t qualify as “not religious” to many of us. It assumes a cultural identification with Christmas that erases many people of other faiths (or of no faith). It’s a problem. A much longer discussion of this is here.

(Also, since this always comes up: the right question is not “Can I find people who celebrate Christmas who consider these things secular?” but rather, “Are there large numbers of people who do feel erased when symbols of Christmas are treated as secular?” The answer to that is yes.)

3. Why don’t companies believe you’ll do what you say until you actually do it?

Earlier this year, I changed jobs within my organization. I work 32 hours a week and this new job was only for 24 hours a week, so it was decided I would still do my old job for eight hours a week. I wasn’t thrilled with this, because the reason I wanted to change jobs was because of an ongoing conflict with my (old) manager. If I hadn’t been able to change jobs within the same company, I would left as soon as I found a new job elsewhere.

My new manager is aware of this situation. She promised me she would look into getting the higher-ups approval for increasing the hours of the new job to 32. I told her that if it didn’t look like this was going to happen anytime soon, I would rather change my contract to 24 hours and look into some freelancing to supplement my income.

After doing the new job for six months, I had my evaluation and in that I was told that higher-ups did not approve of changing my new job to 32 hours and wouldn’t for at least another six months. Upon hearing this, I told my boss I wanted to go to 24 hours, because I no longer wanted to deal with my old manager anymore. She asked if I was sure and I told her I was.

The next day, my manager called me to tell me that she had been back to the big boss to talk to him once more and now he had agreed to change the new job to 32 hours. I’m happy, of course. But why did I pretty much need to threaten to leave to make this happen? They knew I wasn’t happy, they knew I would stop working for my old manager one way or another. Why didn’t they take that seriously enough?

I hope you can give me some insight in why companies operate in this way, because I really believe this isn’t a unique situation.

A few reasons: first, sometimes employers assume that when push comes to shove, you won’t really follow through on the thing you’re saying you’ll do (because it’ll be harder than you think to leave or find freelancing work, or at least will take a while and things might change meanwhile, or because you can’t possibly really mean it). A lot of threats to do X feel vague/amorphous until the situation becomes “I am now doing X,” at which point they have to take it seriously. I’m not saying this is reasonable — it’s not — just that it’s common.

Second, companies have limited time/energy/attention and sometimes other things are just higher priorities to deal with (legitimately or otherwise), until the issue becomes more pressing because you are making a change right now.

Third, it’s possible that your boss didn’t tell her own higher-ups that you said you would decrease your hours if they couldn’t get you 32 in the new job. She might have thought it wasn’t necessary to include that, or that her boss would bristle at hearing it, or that it introduced a risk of them cutting your hours to less than 32, or who knows what — but she might have just called it wrong, even while thinking she was acting in your best interests.

4. Do employers have to provide cups for water?

I work in a large office job. We have water dispensers that employees can get water from, but a few years ago they eliminated paper cups as a means of “going green” and instead gave every employee a reusable metal water bottle. Over the years (especially during Covid when nobody was in the office for two years), some of the bottles have been misplaced, and some executive coordinators were pressured to give them to their officers who couldn’t be bothered to pick them up because they were too busy. The end result is that some employees have to either pay for plastic water bottles (hardly environmentally friendly) or buy their own reusable one. New employees are given reusable bottles upon onboarding, but existing ones can’t get a new one unless they pay for it.

Is this allowed? To be clear, we are working in a climate-controlled environment, not a outdoor job site, and on the rare occasion the A/C fails, we are allowed to work from home, but we are in the office for at least eight hours a day and need to drink water at some point.

The OSHA regulation on this isn’t 100% clear on whether you can be required to provide your own drinking vessel (which is functionally what’s happening for people who lose their original bottles). Employers have to provide water, but beyond that it’s hazier. OSHA does say, “The employer shall dispense drinking water from a fountain, a covered container with single-use drinking cups stored in a sanitary receptacle, or single-use bottles.” I suspect your situation would be covered by “drinking water from a fountain” (meaning they’re not violating the law by not providing cups), but you’d need to check with OSHA to be sure.

5. Will I get in trouble for not disclosing a disability in my job application?

I’m deep into my job search and, pretty consistently, I have to check a box regarding my disability status before submitting an application. The text usually reads, “No, I do not have a disability and I have not had one in the past.” I have an “invisible disability,” so the truthful answer would be to say “yes,” but I keep reading horror stories about discrimination against people who disclose their status to employers. I previously thought that the purpose of this question was to inform diverse hiring practices, but I’m not sure anymore.

Could I get in trouble for not disclosing my disability status prior to hiring? I have to work from home due to my need for accommodations, so I could hide my condition pretty well. I just don’t know what I’ll do when I have a flare-up that affects how I show up to work. I don’t like lying, but I need a job—now.

If you are in the U.S., you are not legally obligated to disclose a disability to an employer before they hire you (or afterwards, for that matter, if you’re not asking for accommodations) and you can’t be required to or be penalized for not doing it.

They’re most likely asking because companies with more than 100 employees or with government contracts over a certain dollar amount are required by law to report the demographic makeup of their applicants and employees to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (in aggregate, not individually). However, answering is voluntary, you can’t be penalized for not answering, and if you do answer the employer can’t allow your answer to negatively affect your application. In fact, the law requires that the information be stored separately from your application.