One thing that comes to mind is that BDSM people are the WORST to organize with. By BDSM people, I mean people who were part of pre-existing BDSM groups or were in ongoing power exchange relationships. If that applies to you, yes, I mean you.
Unsurprisingly, people who have a deep interest in power and control over others often have issues with power and control over others. If someone was going to complain about having to share a bed (told beforehand, fair policy, ticket price lower for shared beds), it was the BDSM types. Food, activities, the way the wifi password was given out, no smoking on the property, how the weekend was scheduled, banned practices: if there was something to complain about the BDSM people would complain about it. I think it has to do with attending these weekends inherently involving giving some degree of power over to me. Not Being The Guy In Charge often made BDSM people uncomfortable in a way that was hard for them to acknowledge, and would come out sideways. For example, I’m the one buying yogurt for breakfasts, and so while you’ve told me that you need a vegetarian high protein breakfast, I’m likely not able to buy the exact brand of Greek yogurt you prefer. Even when they intellectually knew this, things like Wrong Yogurt made BDSM people very prickly, and that was expressed as accusations that I personally was against them. Nope, just trying to make a living and buying yogurt in bulk at Costco.
It came up less, but there was a degree of power exchange couples being weird about giving up power to attend a weekend. I had several BDSM people tell me they were too famous to attend a weekend. One person from a BDSM couple would reply for both, and didn’t like being told that I needed to hear from both (I used google forms a lot, and literally needed an entry for each attendee to track with). There were sometimes issues with protocols a couple had, like a member of the couple could partner up with another attendee if and only if certain criteria were met, and the criteria not being met. I think those issues mostly came up out of hurt feelings, which wasn’t exclusive to BDSM couples.
The most annoying thing about BDSM people, and a huge part of why I stopped doing orgy weekends, is that local groups felt they should have some form of power or say over events in their area. Organized BDSM is very hierarchical: there are formal title contests, like beauty pageants but for how very BDSM you are. A lot of value is place on time spent attending public events, being having membership in organized social clubs, and, tbh, dating the right people. They’re also quick to condemn: you should not only have the right politics, but you should be seen doing right actions, and any upset from anyone around any part of the orgy planning (not just attendees!) was harm.
As you might be able to tell, I am not very hierarchically inclined and am a specific flavor of person, and so was not a member of clubs/titleholder when I started doing orgy weekends. This *enraged* a few local BDSM leaders. One leader, bless her heart, told me that she was Thee Regional BDSM person and that since we weren’t friends, there was no way I could be trusted to safely (BDSM often has some specific skills) host an orgy weekend. And also that I was an jerk for wanting to do it for profit.
I ran this business on a very small scale, and was very focused on providing quality experiences for people. Trying to do that while also dealing with campaign from Thee Regional BDSM person on a couple social media platforms, through word of mouth, and I think flyers at one point? was too much.
Thanks for the prompt to write all that out, that was cathartic!
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