can I do anything about my aggressive-driver coworker? — Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer asking if she could do anything about an aggressive-driver coworker (#2 at the link)? Here’s the update.

I truly didn’t imagine there would be an update, because “let this one go” seemed like the right call. But in early October, I ended up filing a police report about this driver after he tailgated me up two floors of our parking garage repeatedly screaming “fuck you” because [checks notes] my gate opened before his and I tried to follow the right of way by going first. I also filed a complaint with HR, because screaming obscenities at people is pretty clearly against our code of conduct. (If you ever find yourself in this situation, apparently the most relevant legal detail turned out to be that I tried to pull over and let him pass, but he continued to tailgate me and scream.) But best of all, I found a different route to work that only takes me a minute or two longer and ensures we don’t cross paths!

I was really hesitant to report, but the campus police handled it well, and I was asked what I wanted out of reporting in a way that gave me agency over the process. (I know reading “what do you want out of this” feels kind of aggro, but the tone was, “because we want to help make that happen.”) I told them I just wanted someone to impress upon this guy that traffic laws apply to him and he isn’t invisible or invincible. An officer spoke to him at work about what was officially a “road rage incident,” and there are now regular speed checks at the point where his behavior was most egregious.

A quick note for other people in this situation: I wish I had reported him much sooner! With the caveat that campus police are probably able to have different priorities than city police, the officer I worked with really impressed on me that I don’t have to wait until someone is actively screaming at me to call — repeated reckless driving along the same route is something they are very willing to post officers about!

Also, I know this is already long, but I want to call out my manager for really having my back here. I was planning to just lodge an HR complaint, and he gently reiterated that this behavior deserved a more serious response than opening a ticket. I hesitated, and he immediately offered me his office if I needed a private place to make the call. That was exactly the right move, not least because I hadn’t even consciously realized part of my hesitation about calling was that, from my desk, all of my coworkers would hear all of my business, and I was still feeling pretty shaken up. Just a small but concrete thing he did that really made a difference for me, and something I hope other managers with private offices will keep in their back pockets when they have direct reports in cubes.