can I use a wedding photo as my work avatar, I sneeze constantly, and more — Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I use a wedding photo — with a veil — as my work avatar?

My company is fully remote, so they really encourage us to upload a headshot to our company chat service so people can put a face to the name.

Would it look out of touch or immature to use a photo from my wedding? It’s probably the best I’ll ever look in any photo because of the professional hair and makeup and because it was taken by a professional photographer. But because of the veil, it’s very obviously a wedding photo. (I’d choose a shot without my husband in it.)

I think some of my male coworkers have done this, but it feels different because they’re just wearing suits rather than the whole Bridal Outfit ™.

Yeah, a wedding veil will look out of place for a headshot.

For most companies, at least. There are undoubtedly exceptions, but we’re trafficking in generalities for questions like this.

(I totally understand the temptation to use it though and feel the same way about my wedding photos, and in hindsight everyone who’s just had their hair and makeup done for their wedding should consider taking a couple of shots with no obviously wedding-ish accoutrements while they are looking like that.)

2. I sneeze constantly, and my coworkers say “bless you” Every. Single. Time

I sneeze. A lot. Like, when I sneeze, I sneeze six times in a row and I do this multiple times a day. Even with regular visits to an allergist and daily medication, it’s something I have to deal with.

My issue is that I work in a huge open-concept office. Every time I sneeze, I’m greeted with a chorus of “Bless you!” from around the office. Putting aside the fact that I have no concerns about my soul escaping via my nose, it’s just annoying. If I sneeze six times, they’ll say “bless you!” six times.

I’ve tried to jokingly tell people that I’m okay, to just ignore me, or to at least wait until I’ve finished, but several people still do it. I already worry that I’m creating a disruption, but my sneezing isn’t something I can control. How do I get these well-intentioned colleagues to stop?

You might not be able to; some people feel too rude letting a sneeze go unacknowledged. But you can try! The thing is, you’ve got to stop saying it jokingly and start saying it more seriously: “I appreciate the thought, but it’s making it more of a disruption than it already is. I’d be grateful to agree there’s a blanket ‘bless you’ in effect and no more are needed.” If saying it to the group doesn’t work, start talking to the hold-out’s one-on-one.

3. What is the normal amount of extra staffing a team should plan for?

I work in a support role on a team which physically moves objects, devices, and equipment around. No working from home!

A normal complement of staff to cover the needs on a normal day is six people. But there are only six people, total, employed on my team.

If even one team member calls in sick or goes on holiday or on a training course, the team is short-staffed. This causes friction and delays and impacts the work of the whole place. I feel that management is in denial and expects us to just do our best and work harder.

Is there a number which any sensible manager applies to a situation like this? Should a six-position team have a complement of say nine staff? Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s at least seven, right?

Not really. It’s actually very normal for a team with a six-person workload to be staffed by six people. Well-resourced and well-managed organizations might staff it with seven, but you’d be hard-pressed to find an organization that could justify overstaffing by 50% (nine staff).

It absolutely does make sense to build in a buffer for times when people are out or when work is higher, but it can be a very hard sell and it’s common for managers not to be able to get the budget for it. Ideally you’d build in an additional staff position that does other useful work when they’re not needed to cover for someone, but there isn’t always enough other work to justify the additional position, or it’s not high-priority enough relative to other things that money could be spent on.

That said, a decently managed place will recognize the situation and manage workflow accordingly — meaning that when someone is out, they’ll adjust the workload, reprioritize as needed, push back on demands from other teams, bring in temp help, and so forth. It’s when that doesn’t happen that it really becomes a problem.

4. Telling an employer I’ll need time off to promote a book

This is still a hypothetical, but I want to be prepared to navigate the situation. I have a book being released by a major publisher this year. It’s beyond exciting, and I am contractually obligated to do any and all promotional activities asked of me.

However, I won’t see any more money from my publisher until I earn out my advance, and I need a job. I just concluded a second interview for a really fantastic position. If I get an offer, I know my obligations to my publisher have to be an immediate discussion with my supervisor.

How would I navigate this without getting my offer pulled? “I’m delighted to accept this rigorous and team-work based role but also I might be on a book tour lol” is not really the note I want to strike, you know?

Well, first, look at your contract with your publisher — it’s very unlikely that you are contractually obligated to do “any and all” promotional activities asked of you. You’re typically expected to do a lot of them, even most of them, but that doesn’t mean you can never push back and have a conflict with something. You should also talk to your publisher about exactly what it’s likely to look like; book tours are less and less common these days, unless the author has a massive audience (or in some cases unless the author is highly motivated to do one). It’s possible you’ve already discussed this with your publisher and know for sure they expect a book tour, but either way, talk to them and get really clear on what promotion is likely to look like and how much flexibility you’ll have. (For most authors, it’s likely to be a lot of demands on your time the month the book comes out — although keep in mind a lot of it will be interviews that you will do remotely — and then decreasing demands on your time after that.)

Once you have that discussion, you’ll be in a better position to talk to a would-be employer about it since they’ll need to hear specifics of what you’re asking them to agree to. Ideally you can say something like, “I have a book being published by Oatmeal Press in June and will need time for promotional activities that month, including being at the Groats fan convention on June 20 and away for a signing event on June 30 and general availability for interviews around the time of publication.” You won’t be able to predict everything that will come up (and media stuff in particular can come up last minute), but talking to your publisher should position you to be able to provide a general idea of what it will look like.

Congratulations on the book!

5. I work for the federal government — how can I stay in touch with coworkers?

I have worked for the federal government for over 15 years — almost all of my professional references are federal employees and I only have their official contact information. In the event of a mass layoff or other mass exodus of employees from the government, how should we handle reference checks for future employment? I have the personal contact info for 3-4 people who would provide relevant info (not just “we were neighbors and played volleyball on Tuesdays” or “we worked together a decade ago”), but if I had to provide a list of more people, or those who fit a certain description, I’d be in trouble if I couldn’t look people up. I have no expectation of any privacy related to official communication channels right now.

This might seem like I’m overthinking or focusing on a relatively minor issue while everything is falling apart, but, due to health concerns, I’m terrified of losing my health insurance and need to be able to find new work ASAP if I somehow find myself unemployed. The only thing that’s keeping me going right now is figuring out how to get as many ducks in a row as possible.

LinkedIn is the easiest way to keep in touch with people after you’re no longer working together. You don’t need to be active on LinkedIn to use it this way; you just need to connect to colleagues and other contacts so you can find each other in the future. So if you’re not already connected there, do that right away. There’s also nothing wrong with saying to people, “With everything going on, I want to make sure we can stay in touch if anything changes. My personal email address is X and I’d love to have yours as well if you’re comfortable exchanging it.”