my boss is resentful when I do well — Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer whose boss was resentful when she did well? Here’s the update.

My update is a bit of a mixed bag. I did implement both involving him more and also trying to set better boundaries while I also started job searching in greater earnest, but to make a long story short, he continued to escalate his behavior until I was let go without cause (as he couldn’t find legal cause with my performance or conduct — I was and am good at my job).

On the upside, however, I’ve been in interviews for several roles, all of which pay between 40%-60% more than I was being paid. I’m expecting an offer soon, and simultaneously getting ready to launch a consulting business as a side gig so that I won’t ever feel trapped in a bad situation like that again.

Since being let go, I’ve lost 12 pounds, my resting heart rate has dropped over 10 bpm, I sleep through the night and I don’t have panic attacks anymore. Him firing me was the best thing to happen to me in years. The funny thing is between job searching, launching my business and a couple personal projects, I’m working a lot more than I was, but I’m so much happier and healthier now, both physically and mentally. Not having to walk on eggshells 8 hours a day is like dropping 200 pounds off of my shoulders.

I’ve learned several lessons from this experience. The single biggest one has been the importance of knowing my value and my worth. I didn’t deserve to be his scapegoat for everything wrong in the business, and my market value is obviously a lot higher than what I’d allowed myself to be browbeaten into believing since I’m routinely getting interviews for roles that pay so much more. I’ve been told by more than one recruiter that I shouldn’t accept less than 1.5 times what I was being paid before, as that’s what my skillset is worth.

The second and third lessons I’m taking from this are the importance of spreading my wings to get new experiences instead of staying too much in my comfort zone and the necessity of taking charge of my own development and career — having a second income stream, seeking out roles and courses that let me grow and develop, and finally, not forcing myself to stay in little boxes that I’ve long since outgrown. I am more capable than I give myself credit for, and I need to let myself be a bit more decisive.

Overall, I view this situation as a turning point in my life and career — one where I learned how to treat myself better and respect myself more, and therefore started being treated better by those who remained in my life. I would like to say I won’t ever make the same mistake again, but given that this is the third time in my life where I only realized how abusive a situation was until I got out, I imagine I probably will, but I’ll be better able to handle it next time. I learn slowly sometimes, but I do learn!