the dog-sitter, coworker is taking credit for my work, and more — Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

1. My neighbor, her nephew, my kid, and her dogs

I have a bit of an update on a situation I shared a few months ago, regarding my 13-year-old son Falcon dog-sitting for our neighbor.

I had been feeling quite guilty about how everything went down. Thank you to you, Alison, and the commenters for stating that Falcon was under no obligation to return the dog-sitting money. He went above and beyond in the care he provided to the dogs and he rightfully earned that money. I want to reassure everyone that I paid Falcon back his full fee.

I offered to refund part of the money to Jane because she was upset, and more so because her husband seemed irate. As several commenters pointed out, these people are neighbors with whom we cross paths often. Jane is also a gossip. In the heat of the moment, I was trying to protect us from reputational harm. Falcon mows lawns and waters plants for a few of our neighbors in the summer, and I was concerned he’d lose those opportunities.

All of this occurred shortly before school started. I walk my dog much earlier in the morning during the school year to ensure I get Falcon out the door and myself to work on time. As a result, I’ve only bumped into Jane a couple of times since the dog-sitting incident. I’ve maintained a professionally friendly demeanor with her, but I no longer go out of my way to chat. She seems the same as always, so I suppose that’s good. She hasn’t requested Falcon’s help with anything since the incident, and I’m not sure she will again. Falcon doesn’t seem bothered by any of it anymore. While I don’t think he’d accept another dog-sitting job from her, he’s still open to doing so for others.

Thank you to everyone who responded and for the concern you showed for Falcon.

2. My coworker is taking credit for my work when she applies for jobs

I spoke with my manager about what was going on, and although I wasn’t privy to the discussion he had with “Bella,” my work was removed from her portfolio a little while later. Her new job is in a completely different industry. I’d like to think that word got around about her behavior, but I think it’s more likely that she realized she just doesn’t enjoy this kind of work.

Happily, I’ve also found that since Bella left I’ve been more confident in general, and it shows in my work. I now have plenty of new, stronger pieces to add to my portfolio — and it’s a huge relief to know that nobody else is claiming credit for them.

I really appreciate the advice from you and your readers. I’d been stuck in this horrible working relationship for so long that I almost believed what was happening to me was normal and not worth kicking up a fuss about. All your advice was brilliant, but what I really needed was for someone to tell me my feelings about the situation were completely valid.

3. My job wants me to find coverage after I quit (#3 at the link)

I replied to my manager’s email and asked if I would be looking for coverage during my next shift. He told me no, I needed to complete my normal work tasks because the upcoming week would be busy. I politely informed him that, if this was the case, I would not be able to find coverage and would still be leaving on my last day. He stressed how busy they would be during the week after my last day and that they needed as many people to come in. I didn’t reply again, and that was the last interaction I had with this manager.

I have since moved, and I now have a job that pays better and has a far healthier employee culture! Thanks for the advice! It saved me a lot of stress.

4. A conversation about kittens led to a lecture from HR

Wow, it’s strange to think back to the time when that conversation was the only problem I’d had with Joan. I took your advice and gave the context to HR, who implied that they weren’t surprised to hear this about her. Joan and I have both worked for the company for a few years, but we had been on hybrid schedules without overlapping days until she changed her schedule this year. I didn’t know her well at all, but HR clearly did.

I am honestly just a quiet, shy, people pleasing person who likes cats, but somehow Joan decided that I, as a cat-lover, was her nemesis. The more she hated me, the more other people responded to her like she was in the wrong, and the more she doubled down. Here are some highlights:

• She was often reading this book in the breakroom and fake-laughing to draw attention to it.
• A friend made me cookies for my birthday and I brought the excess ones to work — they were homemade but not in my home. Joan still called them “urine cookies.” My coworkers ate them with exaggerated relish while saying “mmm, delicious urine.”
• She made a point of sanitizing any surface she saw me touch (even wiping down the microwave between when I put my food in and when I got it out). I’m not the only cat owner in the office so she wasn’t protecting herself from cat germs very effectively.
• She asked at a staff meeting whether the dress code could be updated to state that pet fur on clothing was unprofessional, and was told no.
• People gift me a lot of cat-themed things, and I have several cat mugs. The one I used in the office got “accidentally” broken while I was working from home. So I brought another cat mug in, it got broken too. A third mug, the same thing (I had a lot of mugs). A coworker found some enamel (unbreakable) cat mugs in a dollar shop and bought 10 of them to put in the office cupboard. Joan complained to HR that she was being bullied, which HR dismissed.

I don’t need this kind of drama in my life so I spoke to my boss about going fully remote and it was approved. Now I spend every workday with a pile of kittens on my lap. Thanks Joan!

And thank you for your advice! Kitten tax attached.